The Okie Doke

A while ago, I dragged a friend of mine out to a singles mixer in D.C. to try something new and to meet the so-called "creme de la creme" from the area. And boy, were the pickings. . .slim. Don't get me wrong. I met a number of nice gentlemen, but let's just say that a few of them weren't in my age range. Out of the nine men I dated that night, at least three of them had children my age! Though he didn't look it, one was even a grandfather! No bueno.

No one really interested me during the flow dating portion of the evening, but one extremely fine gentleman named Steve approached me as I was preparing to leave. Just from one glance I could tell that he was an athlete. His body was made for football. He was roughly 6'2, had wide shoulders, big hands and the most adorable face. We exchanged cards, but I wasn't banking on hearing from him, at least not anytime soon. I only imagined how many other cards he had received that night. Surprisingly, he reached out the next day with a call (not a text!). During that hour on the phone, he managed to leave a very good impression on me. Conversation flowed easily and we seemed to have quite a bit in common. He soon asked me out and we made a date for later in the week.

The night of our date, I was uncharacteristically nervous. I hadn't been this nervous even to meet Bryan. I actually wanted to make a good impression on Steve so I applied my makeup perfectly, wore my favorite date dress, and even wore platforms pumps during the week (that's saying a lot for me)!

During dinner it didn't take long for me to realize that this was not the same guy I had such a great conversation with on the phone. The guy I met the previous weekend was confident and sexy. This guy was awkward and a little weird. Fine as all get out, but weird nonetheless. This wasn't going to work. We just weren't clicking. And believe you me, I was trying to keep this sinking ship afloat, but to no avail. Despite my resolve to let this be our first and last date, I decided to make the best of it and make him feel comfortable. As dinner was winding down and as we boxed our chicken and scallops, I had to convince myself that I hadn't actually heard what I knew I just heard. As Steve poured a creamy, off white sauce over his fried rice and scallops, he let out a orgasmic sound followed by "skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet." And just in case I hadn't heard it the first time, he repeated the disgusting act!

The fu*k?!

Keeping my eyes forward, I took a long drink from my glass, pretending not to have witnessed one of the most inappropriate things a man has ever done or said in my presence. I boxed my food and started making my way to the door. This date was officially over. At this point, I was frustrated that my heels wouldn't allow me to run to my car and slam on the gas like I wanted to. I didn't want to be a complete butt crack and just leave, so we stood around for a minute not really saying much.

"Well, I'll be around." Steve finally said to wrap things up. "Thanks for coming out tonight."

"Mmm hmm. Thanks." was all I could reply before giving him a polite hug then scurrying to the driver side door of my car. I got in, changed my shoes and started the car. Looking at myself in the rear view mirror, I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. I had definitely fallen for the okie doke.

I could have had a V8.

The 25th Year

I turned 25 a few weeks ago and didn't immediately feel that life-altering experience many folks claimed they got when they hit a quarter of a century. Not until maybe two weeks ago. One day I just realized how comfortable I am with myself. I now have a better understanding of what I want, who I am and no longer care much about what people think. No one else defines my worth or happiness. I have the last say about both. This year, especially, I've learned a lot about myself and who I really could be. For example, meeting and dealing with "Bryan" forced me to reevaluate what it was that I said I'd never do, things I wouldn't tolerate, people I wouldn't associate myself with. You'd be surprised at the things you may let slide when you're having fun. . .

It feels wonderful to no longer feel the need to explain myself or feel insecure in any area of my life. We're all works in progress. This "I have it all together" facade isn't necessary. Nobody is perfect. I've learned to trust myself and be confident in my decision making because during this year I've let myself experience things that didn't necessarily have a foreseeable outcome. I took some risks. That allowed me to learn a lot about others, but mostly about myself.


This year my top priorities are making myself happy and pleasing God. It's that simple.

Here's my list of some gems that I now carry with me. I'll add more as this 25th year progresses. Enjoy!

1. Don't settle.
2. Trust yourself.
3. Stop looking for approval.
4. Embrace defeat and rejection.
5. Try again.
6. Know when to give up.
7. Protect your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health by all means.
8. Make time for family and friends.
9. Enjoy alone time.
10. Try new things--You might actually like it!
11. Date for fun.
12.  Get out of the house and do something! (DVR was created for a reason.)
13. Forgive others and yourself for mistakes.
14.Weigh criticism correctly. Learn the difference between someone hating and telling you the truth about yourself.
15. Don't let someone else's opinion of you shape what you think about yourself.

Jigsaw: Episode 7

Bryan

One very snowy January night, there I was, sitting in the foyer of Longhorn Steakhouse waiting for my date Bryan, the Laz Alonso look-alike, to arrive. We had only interacted briefly prior to our date, but this guy seriously gave me heebie jeebies! During dinner I came to learn that Bryan's cafe au lait complexion was attributed to the fact that he was biracial. His Caucasian mother took the credit for his creamy skin tone, slanted eyes, and slim, slightly-turned-up-at-the-tip nose, but those sultry dark eyes and full lips were his father's legacy. Don't get me wrong. He wasn't pretty. Almost, but not quite. Below his bottom lip existed a slightly raised scar that could be considered a flaw. But I, for one, found it sexy.

Although this terribly handsome specimen of a man was funny, easygoing, and very easy to talk to, I soon discovered that we were people from completely opposite sides of the track. While discussing our life's details over Parmesan crusted chicken, I learned that while I spent four years at a prestigious boarding school, he spent most of his high school years in a juvenile detention center. Then, while I was walking across the stage to receive my Bachelor's degree, he was probably being released from jail. . .the first time. I never would have imagined myself to be the Captain Save-An-Ex-Con type, yet there I was driving away from the restaurant, after good food and hours of conversation and laughs, going down the list of his bad habits that "we" were going to break. Why I thought this was my responsibility, I'm not sure. But maybe it was during those few unexpected moments when I noticed something tender and untainted about him despite his somewhat troubled life, that I thought that maybe I could have a good influence on him. I knew that spending time with him spelled "trouble" in all caps, but for once, I didn't care. I was just going to go with flow and see how things went. It was completely unlike me to live dangerously, but I guess I was ready for a change.

We made plans for a second date, and two nights, later Bryan made another 50-mile trip to hang out with me again. This time, we decided to catch a movie not too far from where I lived. After the movie, we headed over to Dave and Busters to engage in some friendly competition. That gave us a chance to talk more and get to know each other in a public and appropriate setting. He taught me how to play "Deal or No Deal" and I showed him that this girlie girl has a mean jump shot.


Since neither one of us was ready to go home yet and the mall was now closed, we sat and talked in his car in the mall's parking lot. Just when I thought I'd had this guy pretty much figured out, I learned that we weren't so terribly different after all. Bryan was raised in the church. He knew the Word, knew about God, but despite his upbringing, he and his brother, unlike his "goody two shoes" sister, developed a fascination with the fast life. As a drug dealer, he got caught up with the law, spending several stints in jail. I wasn't sure where he stood in the religion department until he confessed that he knew that God was up to something in his life. While he was at the peak of his "career," owning every material possession that a man could want: money in excess, luxury cars, vacation homes, a myriad of women, he found himself one day declaring to himself that there had to be more to life than what he was dealing with. There had to be more to life than getting money, sleeping with women, and just having a good time.

My life's story couldn't have been any more different than his, but I couldn't help but feel as though we didn't meet by happenstance. There was something about my story that made him want to believe that purity still existed in the world, and there was something about his story that caused me to realize that God isn't always working only through cookie-cutter righteous types, people who always played by the rules and colored inside the lines. Through him I realized that everyone is searching for God even if they don't know it and sometimes even when they're doing wrong. Bryan said he prayed, "Lord, there has to be more for my life that you want than this. If that's true, then I'll give up everything in exchange for my victory, happiness, and success." Within 48 hours, the police had repossessed his car and confiscated all of his money, and he was back in jail. But life after his release hadn't yielded the victory, happiness, and success he'd expected. As a result, his bitterness only grew and his frustration with "doing the right thing" at the expense of his once very comfortable lifestyle became more apparent.

As we spent more and more time together, I thought that because of my influence, he'd be the one making some changes, but it was me who was beginning to slip. . .fast. Caution, self-control, and delayed gratification were all things that had come to be second nature, but I felt myself  replacing them with spontaneity, curiosity, and recklessness, if only temporarily. Although our differences became more and more apparent with each meeting, so was our attraction to each other. I was falling, even if just a little it. But I knew it wasn't right. I wasn't going to marry this guy or raise a family with him. He was just something different. . .very different from what I was used to. I could rattle off a laundry list of things we didn't have in common and his bad habits, but it was those few good ones that kept me interested. And besides, I couldn't deny the fact that I actually liked him. Anyone that really knows me, knows that that's a miracle in and of itself. In the back of my mind though, I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that I was wasting time, but another part of me was dying to not be so calculating and bent on "dating with a purpose." I'd never allowed myself to just "be" and just "do", so I was giving myself license to be a little reckless, if just for once.

But God had other plans. . .

I didn't want to bother him with a phone call during the Superbowl, so I texted instead. We chatted steadily throughout the night and everything seemed to be cool. Just as it had always been. I called him the next night, giving myself enough time to have a decent conversation before "Bad Girls Club" came on, but to my disappointment, his phone went straight to voice mail. I didn't think anything of it though and I just left a message and went on to enjoy the lineup of trashy Monday night reality TV. But he didn't return my call the next day or the day after that. It just wasn't like him to not at least text back. By Wednesday, I was a little peeved and concerned. I found his other cell phone number that was in my email and tried that one, but it had been disconnected. By this time, I was very confused. Is he avoiding me? Is he in trouble? Is he. . .dead? I didn't know what to think, but I did know that I was going to get to the bottom of it. If he was indeed dodging me, he'd have to tell me straight up. When I had gotten home from class later that night, I racked my brain to find a way to somehow get in touch with him. Suddenly, I remembered that I still had his address in my GPS from the time I went to visit him. I put the address and his mother's first name in whitepages.com and voila, a phone number appeared.  

OK, now I have a number, but am I actually going to use it? What if I went through this trouble to find his house number and nothing is even wrong? I'm just going to look like a psycho.

I stored the number in my phone, but decided to give it a few more days until I called it. Too anxious to wait an entire week from the last time we spoke to find out what happened to him, I gave in on Saturday and called the number several times throughout the day until someone finally answered.

"Hello?!" a mature female voice said.

"Hi" I greeted. "May I speak with Bryan, please?"

"Who?" the lady questioned.

"Bryan. Is this not his house?" Is this Bryan's mom? Oh, Lord. I hope this isn't the wrong number.

"Sweeheart, Bryan's in jail." she answered mater-of-factly. "And this is his aunt."

"Wow. I was just concerned about him because I couldn't get in touch because both of his cell phones were off this week." I explained. 

"Yeah, honey. He's been in jail all week." his aunt repeated.

"OK. Well, is there any information that you could give me so that I can get in touch with him?" I requested.

She then proceeded to give me the detention center's information and a web address to give me further instructions. The next day I wrote him a short letter to basically let him know that I was concerned that I couldn't get in touch with him and then even more so when I found out why I couldn't get in touch with him. I didn't know whether he was back in jail because of something that was beyond his control or because he went back into his old lifestyle, but I didn't need to know. I was just glad I wasn't a part of it.  In the days and weeks that passed after I sent the letter, I began to get back into my old rhythm. And it actually felt. . .right. Those weeks gave me a lot of time to reflect on my experience with Bryan. I will admit that it was kind of fun, a bit naughty, and a little dangerous, but I had to ask myself at what cost was I allowing myself to experience "life"? Little compromises here and there were made all in the name of "doing me," but I realized that that wasn't the type of person I really was. Him ending up back in jail was one of the best things that happened to me since I met him. The devil knows our weaknesses and in this case, mine just happened to be a sexy bad boy with a few good traits.

Maybe this story isn't over, but if there's one thing that I've learned from this situation, it's that you can't fit a square peg into a circle. . .no matter how hard you try.

.

My First Facial!

Reblogged from hautegoodgirl.com.

Last month I decided to get my first facial. After researching local spas on spafinder.com, I decided to visit Essential Essence Salon & DaySpa located in Laurel, Maryland after thoroughly scouring the website and reading unedited reviews from previous patrons.


Avanette Pinkard opened this spa with her mother in 1997. Their mission was to “create exceptional beauty and wellness experiences that help guests discover how to look and feel incredible.”  The spa area is modestly sized and has a cozy atmosphere. The facial room creates a calming and comfortable space with dim lights and sounds of nature playing on the speakers. I had the pleasure of having my facial administrated by the owner Avanette. She was very professional and knowledgeable, asking me specific questions about my skincare routine so as to provide the optimal facial experience and make proper product and skincare recommendations for me to use at home. Overall, my first facial experience was excellent. I felt comfortable throughout the entire experience and my skin is glowing!


In addition to spa services, Essential Essence Salon & DaySpa offers hand/footcare, nail enhancements, reflexology, haircare, cosmetic hair replacement/extensions, airbrush makeup, massages, eyelash extensions and weight-loss services.

Essential Essence Salon & DaySpa is located at 8631 Cherry Lane Laurel, MD 20707.

Dark Girls

Reposted from hautegoodgirl.com

What with the all-black high-fashion magazine spreads celebrating women of color, the BLACK GIRLS ROCK! Awards show, My Black is Beautiful movement and television show, and and an endless number of efforts designed to help black women of all shades feel comfortable in their own skin, it's shocking to consider that many of our chocolate sisters don't feel so beautiful or empowered. This was brought to my attention recently while I watched the trailer for the upcoming documentary Dark Girls. It truly saddened me to listen to women recount stories, many stemming from childhood, that spoke of rejection and self-hatred. It hurt me that I looked at these women and saw some beauty in them while many of them didn't even see beauty in themselves.  Some of these sentiments were expressed several ways in the trailer:

"I can remember being in the bathtub asking my mom to put bleach in the water so that my skin would be lighter and so that I could escape the feelings I had about not being as beautiful, as acceptable, as lovable."

"They used to say, 'You stayed in the oven too long.' "

"It was so damaging ... it made it seem like we weren't wanted; that we were less than."

This documentary, set to release this fall, is confirmation that colorism is still very much alive and well in the black community. But now that it's being brought to forefront and the big screen, the question that begs to be answered is if we will finally put an end to it.

Watch the video:

Week 12 Post

Wow. We made it to the end of the semester in Social Media and I must admit that it's bittersweet. Blogging this semester has definitely been a pleasure. I wasn't new to blogging when we began it January, but I've learned so much extremely useful information about how to better relate to my audience, how to utilize various search tools to find similar bloggers, how to share my blog with those outside of Facebook and Twitter. It's been a great experience. My favorite part about blogging has been looking for topics to write about. This was also my greatest challenge. I loved researching and writing about topics that were interesting to me and that sparked conversation. I have my point of view, my opinion, but it's always good to hear an opposing one or an opinion that takes my view point a step further. Though I was always required to speak to some degree about the content we were discussing in class, I appreciated that I was still able to choose my own topics. In the beginning, I was a little worried that I might have to start another blog. I didn't want my regular readers to think that I was changing the content format. But everything worked itself out.

I will definitely continue to blog. I'm sorry that it took me so long to start this one three years ago because I love it! It's my plan to take the tips and tools I learned in class this semester to make this blog the best it can be and worth someone's while check out regularly. I don't have to be some award-winning blogger, but I do want my readers to say that I always have something interesting to share.