The Okie Doke

A while ago, I dragged a friend of mine out to a singles mixer in D.C. to try something new and to meet the so-called "creme de la creme" from the area. And boy, were the pickings. . .slim. Don't get me wrong. I met a number of nice gentlemen, but let's just say that a few of them weren't in my age range. Out of the nine men I dated that night, at least three of them had children my age! Though he didn't look it, one was even a grandfather! No bueno.

No one really interested me during the flow dating portion of the evening, but one extremely fine gentleman named Steve approached me as I was preparing to leave. Just from one glance I could tell that he was an athlete. His body was made for football. He was roughly 6'2, had wide shoulders, big hands and the most adorable face. We exchanged cards, but I wasn't banking on hearing from him, at least not anytime soon. I only imagined how many other cards he had received that night. Surprisingly, he reached out the next day with a call (not a text!). During that hour on the phone, he managed to leave a very good impression on me. Conversation flowed easily and we seemed to have quite a bit in common. He soon asked me out and we made a date for later in the week.

The night of our date, I was uncharacteristically nervous. I hadn't been this nervous even to meet Bryan. I actually wanted to make a good impression on Steve so I applied my makeup perfectly, wore my favorite date dress, and even wore platforms pumps during the week (that's saying a lot for me)!

During dinner it didn't take long for me to realize that this was not the same guy I had such a great conversation with on the phone. The guy I met the previous weekend was confident and sexy. This guy was awkward and a little weird. Fine as all get out, but weird nonetheless. This wasn't going to work. We just weren't clicking. And believe you me, I was trying to keep this sinking ship afloat, but to no avail. Despite my resolve to let this be our first and last date, I decided to make the best of it and make him feel comfortable. As dinner was winding down and as we boxed our chicken and scallops, I had to convince myself that I hadn't actually heard what I knew I just heard. As Steve poured a creamy, off white sauce over his fried rice and scallops, he let out a orgasmic sound followed by "skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet." And just in case I hadn't heard it the first time, he repeated the disgusting act!

The fu*k?!

Keeping my eyes forward, I took a long drink from my glass, pretending not to have witnessed one of the most inappropriate things a man has ever done or said in my presence. I boxed my food and started making my way to the door. This date was officially over. At this point, I was frustrated that my heels wouldn't allow me to run to my car and slam on the gas like I wanted to. I didn't want to be a complete butt crack and just leave, so we stood around for a minute not really saying much.

"Well, I'll be around." Steve finally said to wrap things up. "Thanks for coming out tonight."

"Mmm hmm. Thanks." was all I could reply before giving him a polite hug then scurrying to the driver side door of my car. I got in, changed my shoes and started the car. Looking at myself in the rear view mirror, I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. I had definitely fallen for the okie doke.

I could have had a V8.

The 25th Year

I turned 25 a few weeks ago and didn't immediately feel that life-altering experience many folks claimed they got when they hit a quarter of a century. Not until maybe two weeks ago. One day I just realized how comfortable I am with myself. I now have a better understanding of what I want, who I am and no longer care much about what people think. No one else defines my worth or happiness. I have the last say about both. This year, especially, I've learned a lot about myself and who I really could be. For example, meeting and dealing with "Bryan" forced me to reevaluate what it was that I said I'd never do, things I wouldn't tolerate, people I wouldn't associate myself with. You'd be surprised at the things you may let slide when you're having fun. . .

It feels wonderful to no longer feel the need to explain myself or feel insecure in any area of my life. We're all works in progress. This "I have it all together" facade isn't necessary. Nobody is perfect. I've learned to trust myself and be confident in my decision making because during this year I've let myself experience things that didn't necessarily have a foreseeable outcome. I took some risks. That allowed me to learn a lot about others, but mostly about myself.


This year my top priorities are making myself happy and pleasing God. It's that simple.

Here's my list of some gems that I now carry with me. I'll add more as this 25th year progresses. Enjoy!

1. Don't settle.
2. Trust yourself.
3. Stop looking for approval.
4. Embrace defeat and rejection.
5. Try again.
6. Know when to give up.
7. Protect your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health by all means.
8. Make time for family and friends.
9. Enjoy alone time.
10. Try new things--You might actually like it!
11. Date for fun.
12.  Get out of the house and do something! (DVR was created for a reason.)
13. Forgive others and yourself for mistakes.
14.Weigh criticism correctly. Learn the difference between someone hating and telling you the truth about yourself.
15. Don't let someone else's opinion of you shape what you think about yourself.