Miss Major Substance

Jigsaw: Episode 2

2009-12-19T19:30:00.000-08:00

Jason

We all have a fantasy, a dream guy or girl. You know what I'm talking about, the type of person who is perfect as far as you're concerned, even if they're obviously flawed. . .

Jason was my fantasy incarnate--Spiritual, successful, confident, and of course, unbelievably fine! That's all I had to go off of because other than those qualities, I didn't know a thing about him (That's usually the case with a fantasy). I'd known of him for months and had seen him around a few times, but on that night during my college's Homecoming Weekend, it was surreal how he, once a man supposedly so far removed from me, was the same man towering over me and boldly staring into my eyes.

Jason was art in motion. Hands down, he had to be one of the finest men I’d ever seen in person. Standing at 6’7, he had the body of a Spartan. His face, perfect in symmetry and complexion, boasted of a jawline that could slice through a sheet a paper. Now, I tend to be inclined toward the chocolate brothers, but I had to give this man his props. He was just glorious. I knew he had to have some super swag that night when he seemingly parted the crowd of hundreds, just walked up to me and started to converse.

I have a knack for determining someone’s sign before they even tell me, and he had to be a Scorpio. Sexiness and confidence, both blanketed under cool composure, oozed from his pores. He was sure I’d give him the time of day and he was right. I liked his confidence though. My mind raced as I noticed him approaching me. I knew exactly who he was, but tried to play it cool as if I’m approached by fine men every day of the week. I sensed that he was a modern-day Adonis type who looked good and knew it. He walked with a hint of regality, but I couldn’t hate because so do I.

Instead of the handshake that I expected, he greeted me with a warm, friendly hug he would give to a longtime friend. Though a bit surprised, I freely embraced him and took note of how perfectly his muscular frame enveloped me.

“Haven’t we met?” He asked with a sexy smirk on his face signifying that he already knew the answer. Deciding to play the amnesia game with him, I answered after a long pause, “Uh, yeah. I think we’re friends on Facebook or something, but we actually met briefly when you preached at Trinity church last December.”

I'd never admit it to him, but I remembered every detail of that day as if it were yesterday. I'd woken up on what appeared to be a usual Sabbath morning and proceeded to get ready for church service when a friend texted my roommate informing her that "he" was going to be the guest speaker at Trinity. Upon learning that information, we immediately abandoned all plans to attend our normal church of choice. With a smirk on my face, I sashayed to my "knock 'em dead arsenal," simply known as a closet to most, and pulled out the perfect "First Lady" outfit: a knee-length pleated satin skirt accented by an intricate velvet floral pattern and waistband, an H&M satin bolero jacket, fishnet stockings, 3 1/2 inch faux-croc pumps, and my authentic 1940s vintage clutch. I was a vision in all black. Sophisticated and a dash trendy--just my style. (Don't judge me--we've ALL gone to church dressed for someone besides Jesus at least once, so don't even front!)

My roommate and I arrived at church a little late, so we ended up having to sit toward the back. I didn't mind though because part of what (who) I'd gone to see was still in sight since he, of course, was seated on the pulpit. I rarely stand in line to shake the pastor's hand after service, even at my own church, but I decided to try and make the most of the opportunity. My heart raced as I inched my way closer to the receiving line and I found myself subconsciously rubbing on my clutch as it were a genie lamp as I silently prayed, Please Lord, don't let me stutter or say anything stupid. As the person ahead of me proceeded to the foyer, I, in the diva fashion, pulled back my shoulders and turned the wattage in my smile up to "blinding." As he reached out his hand to grasp mine, he smiled, slightly tilted his head to the side, gave me a look expressing distant familiarity, leaned in and asked "What's your name again?"

With all of the confidence I could muster, I proudly stated my name and managed to add a charming "Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." He replied so intently that it made the church's senior pastor, who was standing directly beside him, glance from him to me then shake his head while trying to conceal a smile.

I walked, no, floated into the foyer before melting into a puddle waiting for my roommate to come mop me up and wring me out in the car. Yeah, a sista was swoonin'.

“Yeah, that’s where I know you from." He admitted with a feigned case of sudden recognition. "It’s good to see you again.”
"You too." I replied trying not to sound a little too honest.
After about five or ten minutes of small talk, cheeky smiles and eyelash batting, we resolved that we would see each other around at some point during the weekend festivities. Before parting though, he reached out embrace me once again. During the expo on the last day of Homecoming Weekend, Jason miraculously spotted me amidst the sea of current and former students. I was impressed. He must really be interested. I thought, trying to keep my giddiness at bay.

And apparently, he was. For the rest of day, we stood amongst the throng getting to know each other better. His forthright flirting confirmed that his interest was not merely a figment of my imagination. Oh yeah, he was feeling me. But we all know that the first sign of a man's interest is his asking a woman for her number. As the day drew to a close, I got more and more anxious for him to "pop the question." And when he finally did, that moment officially became the highlight of my week--I'll keep it real, maybe even my month.

The following few weeks were filled with him texting and calling me non-stop. When we ran into each other again a week later, he asked me to accompany him to a play, and of course, I accepted. I was beginning to believe that he was someone I could start to really like . . . until things suddenly changed. Beside the fact that he canceled our play date due to "several board meetings occurring on the same day" (which I now believe was a lie), overnight, he became too "busy" to call me back when he said he would or see me when he came to town. I had a feeling that someone else was in the picture, and that was confirmed when my friend called me one morning reporting that he'd seen Jason sharing a very cozy breakfast with a pretty and newly single young woman who also attended my college.

A woman's intuition rarely leads her wrong and I had a very strong suspicion that he had opted to see "Miss PYT" every time he canceled something with me; I was going to call him out on that. Don't misunderstand me. There's nothing wrong, per se, with dating several people at once, but if a man is attempting to be a player (especially in an effort to protect his "good name"), he should at least spend an equal amount of time with each woman to decrease suspicion. Duh!

After not having heard from him in about two weeks, I gathered all of the self-respect I could and texted "You're not feeling this, so let's just charge this to the game." Hilariously, he immediately texted me back saying, "I'm so sorry . . . I've been busy. . .I still want to get to know you . . . Blah, blah, blah." Of course he did, just in case his little "love affair" with Miss PYT didn't work out.

I didn't text back.

Thinking that that was the end of that ordeal, I resumed my normal activities and threw myself into school work as I prepared for finals. Early one morning the next week, I was awakened by a call from him asking me to meet with him later that day since he was in town. I agreed (Ladies, we tend to give the fine ones a lot more leeway, don't we? A shame, but true), but resolved to keep my guard up and my eyes and ears open because he was a slippery one.

When we met up later that day, he suggested we talk outside instead of in the dorm lobby. As we strolled to the parking lot, he began. "Sooo, what was that text all about?"

You know what the heck that text was about, nigga. I thought, allowing a sugary smile to take precedence over the "Boy, stop playing" scowl that I really wanted to give him. "All I have to say is that things have changed and I don't think it's because you've been busy." I replied with a more serious look now replacing my smile.

Looking trapped for only a split second, he replied with "Because I'm young and a pastor, if people see me with a young woman, they assume that I'm trying to get with her. But I'm at a place in my life where I just want to meet people and make friends (Code for 'I'm dating around')."

I bit down on my tongue to keep from asking "Do all of your 'friends' look like me and Miss PYT from the snack bar?

Instead, I simply said "OK, I understand." And decided against probing any further because every sensible woman knows that players are going to play regardless. Plus, I didn't want to give him an opportunity to make me look thirsty.

"Listen, I hope we can still be friends and get to know each other." He offered as we walked back toward the dorm.

"Sure." I replied, though I knew that I was already over it.

"Great. I'll call you." He promised after hugging me and before walking toward the parking lot to his car.

He never called again.

I never expected him to.

It wasn't until more than a year and a half later when I was on the phone with a new friend that Jason's name came up and I learned that he is notorious for being a serial dater and for leaving a trail of tears and broken hearts in the wake of each of his relationships.

"Thank God I wasn't one of them." I breathed, grateful that I was smart enough to see past his looks and "credentials" and to not let myself get played.

A few months ago I visited a church on what appeared to be another usual Sabbath when my sister, who was seated next to me, gasped, nudged me and said. "You will not believe who's here."

"Who?" I asked, wondering whose presence could have excited my usually apathetic sister.

"Jason . . . and some girl."

As inconspicuously as possible, I turned my head to glance at the duo. The young woman (of course another PYT) looked blissfully happy sitting next to a man she obviously adored.

I wonder if she "knows" about him. I thought. Well, if she doesn't now, she will soon enough. I concluded before completely focusing my attention on the service and forgetting that he was even in the building . . .

Names have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty;)

Jigsaw: Episode 1

2009-12-04T10:44:00.000-08:00

Introduction

Ahh, college, the four-year (Well, five for me. Hey, it happens!) experience guaranteed to bless you with lifelong friends, and if you went to the college I attended, a spouse. Ugh, this is all I heard throughout high school: “Girl, you’re so pretty and sweet. Guys will be lined up around the block to get with you! Don’t worry about high school. These boys are young. Wait until college. . .

And wait I did. I waited until the day I walked across the stage during graduation and shook the President’s hand. Don’t get me wrong, I hadn’t been a completely inexperienced nun. I’ve had a decent share of loves and let downs, but have yet to find the “one” that just . . .fits. You think I’m exaggerating, don’t you? You’re probably thinking that there’s no way I could have gone through all those years at the spiritual Mecca of chocolatedom not to have found one, just ONE that fits!

Stuck up? Absolutely not!
Weird? Yeah, right. Different, but definitely not weird.
Scared? Nope.
Too picky? Maybe. But give me a chance to tell my side of the stories, then you can decide. How much time do you have? This may take a while.

OK, let’s start where many an interesting story begins: in the middle of the night. . .

Aaron
Not a new story, but a true story . . .

It was late, darn late, and he had no business coming over. I had no business wanting him to, but it was him and despite the BS between us, when he called, I came running. I wonder if his girlfriend knows he's coming over here? My responsible side asked. But my inner bad girl chimed in with It’s like 12:00 in the morning and if he doesn’t care, neither do I. This attitude was so not like me, but you have to understand that he had been the only guy to make me dismiss all doubts and embrace the risk of being with him. I was partially responsible for his new "situation" because prior to my certainty, I was skeptical about our likelihood of longevity and was thinking too far into the long-term to realize that someone else in the present was stealing his heart from me. I hadn't shown him how much I cared until it was too late.

His urgent visit came as no surprise. He always got like this when it was time to go back home for the summer. He, being the typical Aries that he was, always came back around like clockwork at the end of a season. We had to have our “talk.” Spring semester had just ended and he wanted to see me once more before we parted ways for three months. I couldn’t blame him. I was the “one that got away.” His girlfriend was pretty, thick, stylish in a trendy way, his personal cheerleader, but she wasn’t me. The fact that he was on his way to see me in the middle of night knowing full well that nothing was “going down” made that quite evident.

I couldn’t act as if it were one-sided though, because despite the numerous times I swore I was done with him, there still existed that part of me that wouldn’t, couldn’t let go. Every once in a while, the memory of what was and what could have been took over my consciousness. Nostalgia got the best of me. There were instances when I caught a look of longing in his eyes or once when he held onto my hand a little longer than a “friend” would. Nothing ever came of that though. He made his choice and I accepted it.

I sat on the couch at my friend's apartment, sleepy, yet restless awaiting his arrival so we could get this show on the road. I had another load of clothes to wash and a bus to catch early the next morning. Lulled by the sound of the dryer, I began to drift off when my heart leapt at the vibration of my cell phone.

“I’m outside,” he announced.

“Alright. I’m coming down.” OK. This is it. Checking myself in the the bathroom mirror for the last time, I smoothed the stray hairs in my curly ponytail, but not too much. Can’t let him think I got spruced up for this. No perfume. Just a little lip gloss. Here we go.

We sat on the huge rock outside of the apartment building and made small talk for a while before he cut the crap and said what he’d come to share.

“Are we friends?” he timidly asked.

“To be honest, we haven’t been friends for the past year and you know it’s because of the choices you made (starting a new relationship without ending ours).” I replied frankly. Please don’t say anything crazy that will get me twisted again. I silently prayed. Getting over him had been one of the hardest things to do. A year earlier, I could almost wring the tears out of my pillow, but now I could sit next to him chatting as if nothing ever happened. Well, almost . . .

He continued even more timidly, “You probably feel as if you could have gone without seeing me tonight and gone home tomorrow without even thinking twice about it, but that’s not how I feel. I had to see you tonight. Honestly, you’re someone I can’t see myself living without. I don’t know why, but that’s just how I feel.

What did he just say?!

I sensed my resolve, made prior to this conversation, to just let things be and forget about him, slowly slip away at the sincerity of his statement.

“I know that I’ve messed up bad and made mistakes that hurt you and our friendship, but I’m asking that you give me one more chance to be your friend, a good friend this time.

Against my better judgment and with much skepticism, I found to strength to agree because yet again, he'd managed to break down my wall and cause me to believe him. After a few more minutes of small talk, I was ready to go finish washing clothes and packing for my trip the next day.

“Let me walk you to the door,” he volunteered.
“OK.”

I didn't know it then, but each step up the stairs created a buildup alluding to an experience we’d both probably never forget. He opened his arms to give me one of his big hugs I loved so much and I welcomed him just the same (I hate pitter-patter hugs). Five, ten, fifteen seconds passed. . . We were still embracing. My heart was pounding. We’d never been this close for this long (Yeah, I was quite the prude). A bit confused, I attempted to pull away to avoid an awkward moment, but he squeezed me tighter, pulling me back to his chest. Thirty seconds then one minute went by. He let out a sigh and squeezed me just a bit tighter, signifying that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. This time I squeezed him back in agreement and relaxed. Two minutes, three minutes elapsed as we embraced in complete silence. Nothing could be heard except the sound of our breathing, which by that time had become a soft pant.

Then he broke the silence.

“You gonna miss me?” he purred into my ear, revealing the sexy to him I had never seen.
His lips, barely brushing my ear, electrified my whole body. I opened my mouth to speak but no words escaped.

“Uh huh.” I finally managed to reply barely above a whisper. What I really wanted to tell him was how I already missed him— how I had never stopped missing him the whole year he was with “her.” He squeezed me even tighter and I melted.

After a few moments of silence he admitted, “I don’t care if you don’t miss me, I’m gonna miss you."

Pressing his forehead to mine, he stared directly and deeply into my hazy, sleepy eyes. Kiss me! My eyes begged him. I tilted my head back, signifying that it was OK to. I wanted to make a move, but wasn’t sure if that’s where he wanted to take it. There was a tug-of-war going on inside of me. Though I wanted more than anything for him to kiss me, I didn’t want to disrespect his girlfriend or his relationship. But the moment I started thinking responsibly, my inner bad girl chimed in again with She wouldn’t understand. This was inevitable. He went to her to get over you. He never stopped wanting you. Look how he’s acting, girl! Finally, you two have gotten your chance. You need this closure. You’ve waited so long. He was yours first. And he still is! He dropped his hands and proceeded to caress my lower back, yet he never averted his captivating gaze.

But after what seemed like an eternity of hugging, I realized that nothing was going to happen and that this was all

it was going to be. This was all we were ever going to be: two people that missed their chance because each was

too scared to act at one point or another.

So, I sent him home. . .

Names have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty;)

Chocolate Fix of the Week: Christian Keyes

2009-12-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

Christian is probably best remembered for playing Sonny, the super naive husband of a cheating wife in the stage play version of Madea Goes to Jail. When he descended the stairs shirtless, the character played by Cassi Davis (House of Payne) without a doubt verbalized what every other woman in the audience and those watching at home was thinking, "Lord, forgive me for having impure thoughts about this cross!" Yes, this man is cut from some of the sexiest cloth I've ever seen in my life. He's blessed, y'all. Christian, welcome to Miss Major Substance's hall of fame. You've more than earned your spot.

Photo courtesy Myspace.com/christiankeyes1

Illusions

2009-12-04T08:53:00.000-08:00

Note to the saints: I wrote this poem two months ago and wanted to share it immediately, but was wary of how it might be received. My creative writing professor once told the class that we should never have a disclaimer accompany our poetry. It should always be presented without explanation or apology, but in this case, I believe this poem requires a bit of explanation. This is purely a poem developed from a single emotion, so please take it at face value and for what it is: a poem.

Illusions

Trails of wet kisses cover my neck and face. Your lips, full like expensive goose down pillows, are warm and soft. You glide your tongue from the base of my neck to the tip of my chin causing a chill to run up and down the length of my spine and a passionate sigh to escape my lips.

In turn, I taste your dark chocolate skin, delighted by the mingled flavors of your cologne, sweat, and passion. Oh yes, passion has a flavor! I want you and I’m not ashamed. Hungrily, I kiss your neck and collarbone, greedy for more, and yet more of you.

Your desire runs deeper with each kiss and your intensity rises until it erupts from your mouth in low, yearning moans.

As we commence to join our bodies and spirits, it is only the purest form of desire. Our passion won’t end with the rising of the sun. Instead, the sun’s ascension will mark the first of countless days of us loving, and laughing, and growing . . . together.

But when I wake up, I realize that you are not beside me—You never were. Your allegiance has been and still is to her.

I am saddened by how reality has turned my sweet dream into a beautiful nightmare, yet tonight I will dream of you again . . .

MMS Update

2009-11-10T18:43:00.002-08:00

Hi all! I've been MIA for quite some time now, but don't think I've forgotten about you. I've been experiencing quite a dry spell for the past couple of months and God forbid I feed you some foolishness just to hold you over. Up until last Wednesday I really didn't have much to talk about. You all know that magazine journalism was my passion. I had this dream to write for the most fabulous mag for women of color and ascend the ranks. And though I fought soooo hard to believe in this industry despite the toll the economy took on it, I had to face reality. Now is just not an opportune time for a full-time position-seeking newbie to try to break into magazine writing. And to be honest, I actually kind of achieved my dream of writing for magazine. I've been published and have gotten to interview some big names in music and film. When I realized that I had to choose an alternate route, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do instead. It wasn't until the end of September that I settled on (not for) Public Relations after thorough research of the field. I found it very interesting and realized that I had actually done some major PR for my sorority in college. I reached out to one of my Facebook friends who owns her own FABULOUS PR firm in New York and we met last week to discuss my options.

After talking with her, I was more sure than ever that I wanted to pursue PR. So now I'm in the final stages of applying to NYU, Geogetown and Iona for my Master's. My background in journalism should give me a slight advantage as far as acceptance goes, but we'll see. If everything goes the way I hope, I'll be in grad school in January. And the icing on the cake is that if I attend NYU or Iona, I have an internship waiting for me! God is so awesome:)

Sista with Substance: DJ Beverly Bond

2009-10-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Over at AMBERmag.com, I've had the highly-satisfying and coveted opportunities to interview a few of the biggest names in music and other media. I love telling other people's stories. This one particular story is hands down my favorite. Last week Monday I had the pleasure of interviewing model-turned-deejay-turned-mentor, Beverly Bond. In 2006 she founded a mentor program called BLACK GIRLS ROCK! (The title alone won me over) as a tool to help counteract the negative stereotypes projected about Black women by the media. 3 years later, BLACK GIRLS ROCK! is stronger than ever has been given the national and even international platform it deserves. This coming Sunday BLACK GIRLS ROCK! will be hosting its 4th Annual Awards show at the New York Times Center to honor outstanding women of color. And to think that all of this came about from a T-shirt line idea. DJ Beverly Bond is truly a Sista with Substance!

Here's a snippet of the story from AMBERmag.com:

Beverly Bond was born with the genes of a model, but had the heart of a deejay. Bond, a native of New York City, was raised all over Maryland by her mother who "liked to move around." From Bond's youth, her mother laid the groundwork for her daughter's future as a deejay by educating her about music. And following in her footsteps, Bond began collecting albums of her own, soon boasting a large and versatile collection in the hundreds. Despite her love for music, Bond did not immediately pursue a career as a deejay. At the age of 17, she instead relocated to New York to pursue a career in modeling, after being coaxed into the idea of modeling, due to her striking good looks and stature. It paid off and she received modeling contracts with Elite New Faces and Wilhemina modeling agencies.

Bond enjoyed success as a runway and print model, walking and posing for clients such as Diesel Jeans, Guess, and Niké throughout the '90s, but couldn't deny her growing desire for mixing music. She first recognized she had some deejaying talent when she bought turntables to replace her broken record player. A "club head," as she called herself, Bond developed an ear for what sounded good. Within only a short year of becoming a bona fide deejay in New York, in 2000 Bond became one of the most sought-after turntablists on the club and party scene. Her unique style—rocking the wheels of steel wearing her hair au naturale in a curly Afro and in stilettos—and her popularity as a model made her a stylish, talented must-hire for high-profile parties and events hosted by P.Diddy, Kimora Lee Simmons and Prince. But with success also came a growing internal conflict between her job as a deejay and her feelings of personal responsibility to society for some of the music she played. With more and more music hitting her turntables and music videos showcasing Black women as merely accessories, Bond concluded that something needed to be done to counteract that one-sided imagery.

Read the rest of interview at AMBERmag.com!

MMS, the Poet?

2009-09-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been getting inspiration for poems late at night. It's weird. Looking at a picture or reading someone's Facebook status could easily incite a concept for a poem. At that point, the idea has to come to fruition. I have to see the idea realized. Last year I took a Creative Writing class in college and was scared to death about sharing my work. For me, poetry has always been an expression of experiences and ideas I deem intimate and personal. Though my classmates affirmed me and suggested that I have something of a natural talent, I'm still a little wary about sharing. But I've found that vulnerability is both scary and liberating. So, here I am sharing my first poem on MMS:

Sensuality

A deep, passionate kiss

A lingering glance at a handsome stranger

Another helping of my favorite dish

A song that perfectly expresses my anger

How can something that feels, looks, tastes and sounds so good be wrong?

Male Ego: The Final Frontier

2009-09-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

This summer I couldn't help but wonder what it is about me that seems to magnetically attract attached men? I concluded that it couldn't be much more than the infamous male ego that propels men to act insincerely simply for the short-lived boost of self-esteem.

They say 3 times is a charm, well how about 4! Within the last 10 months I've had 4 men who were steadily involved with other women (that means committed) engage me in a more-than-friends type of way. Their real relationship status (except for one) was unknown to me. Maybe that was partly my mistake. Perhaps I shouldn't have assumed that because they expressed their interest in me, they were single! Lesson learned.

Let me give you the rundown:

Guy #1: You already know "Ray," who to this day is still trying to make himself a part of my life. Why? I can't answer that and apparently neither can he. Anyway, our situation had been pretty sticky and complicated for the past year, but there was no excuse for what he'd done, or didn't do, rather. After only a very brief breakup he got back with his girlfriend, but opted not to tell me though he knew how I felt about him. What was more astounding was the fact that merely days earlier he told me that what he really wanted to do was be with me, but gave me some BS excuse about him not being ready. That may have been true, but you don't tell someone that though you really want to be with them in the long run, you have to stay with the person you're with, but then don't understand why you and the other person can't still be friends. There's only so much rejection a person can take!

Guy #2: This guy was hot. We'd gone out a couple of times (while he was single) and I had a good time. We kind of fell off for a while, but during Commencement services graduation weekend, we ended up flirting heavy. The night before I left to go back home he asked me to breakfast. I happily accepted, but my bubble was quickly burst when my girls informed me that he too was back with his girl. Seriously?! In hindsight it was obvious that he just thought he'd take advantage of an opportunity before probably never seeing me again.

Guy #3: I'd gone to high school with this guy and it was rumored that he liked me during some of this time. We were cool, but it wasn't like that for me. While we were in college though, he had been in a long-term relationship with someone else. That didn't bother me one bit because like I said, I wasn't feeling him like that. But sometime this past semester we started talking again. When he stated his interest in "hanging out simply because he thought I was a cool person" I met that with much skepticism, but he insisted that it was the truth. No ulterior motives. At that point I took what he said for face value and gave our "friendship" a chance. I wasn't so conceited to believe that every guy who enjoyed my company wanted to talk to me.

After only a few times of hanging out, he up and called me one day saying that his feelings for me had returned and then he put me on the spot wanting to know if he had a chance! What? What happened to the cuss-out he issued me explaining how he had no intention of trying to start anything up with me? I quickly diffused that situation before it got ugly. But that's not even the best part. A few weeks after graduation, his girlfriend messaged me on Facebook informing me that she had caught wind that her man was trying to talk to me! I confirmed that rumor (I had no obligation to him!), but told her that I was never interested in exploring a relationship with him. I'm no homewrecker.

Guy #4: Now this guy is a bit of a different story. He was a recent alumnus of my college so he no longer lived in the area. We'd been talking often on the phone for months getting to know each other. It was cool and I started to like him, but knew that nothing could really happen because of the distance. The distance though did not deter our conversations detailing our interest in and attraction to each other. He even invited me to stay with him during my Spring Break in March. (Of course I declined because that would have been inappropriate). Then one night we were on the phone talking and I haphazardly came to learn about his girlfriend. I thought he was joking but decided that I had to know for sure before I hung up the phone He confirmed it saying, "I wouldn't lie about something like that. I'm a gentleman." A gentleman?! From that point he attempted to set up a lunch date when he'd get to town for Homecoming Weekend! So I sarcastically asked, "Oh, is your girlfriend coming with us?" and he replied, "No, she won't be getting to town until after I get there."

Did I miss something? I really felt bamboozled by this guy, especially because the nature of our conversations never gave a hint to the fact that he was seeing someone. Our conversations never crossed the line, as far as taste is concerned, but it was definitely inappropriate considering that he was in a relationship with someone else. Of course I ignored his call when he got to town, but ended up running into him at one of the Homecoming functions. When he saw me, he truly looked disappointed that I'd stood him up (while his eyes roamed my body--Ugh!). And his attempts to see me (to no avail though) were continuous throughout the weekend. This dude clearly had no respect.

I'd been told not to take these incidents personally because the problem lied with these men and not me. But how could I dismiss that possibility when these men came one after the other? I had to ask myself, "Do I have Girlfriend #2 written on my forehead?" I wondered if these men thought of me as some nice, intelligent eye candy they could spend some time with whenever they got the chance, then they would go back to their usual lives, back to business as usual with the Mrs. I'm over it now and have successfully concluded that it really had nothing to do with me. But the question still remains--Why do (some, maybe most?) committed men engage intelligent, monogamy-oriented women when they have little to no intention of seriously pursuing them?

Is the male ego that desperate to be stroked?

Discuss!

2009-08-31T13:33:00.000-07:00

I've learned from reading posts over at A Belle in Brooklyn that being transparent as a writer, and more especially as a person makes for the most engaging, interesting and thought-provoking posts. Problem with that is that those kinds of posts take about double the time to write than say, a normal post about what music or makeup or film I'm feeling at the moment, because then I would have to include scenery, dialogue, etc. By the time the post is done, I'm literally mentally drained. And they also require a great less deal of vulnerability. I must admit though, that my best posts have been about real issues in my life. They were written about personal revelations and other things that made me go "Hmm." And they also had the greatest chance of causing the subjects of those posts to call me up asking, "Why the heck did you put me on blast like that?!" But since I've been inspired to take my writing to that level again (Thanks Belle), I'm making it a point to write more posts about things mean something, ideas that stimulate me, because I want my readers to close the tab to this blog thinking, "Wow, MMS, I never thought about it that way."

Stay tuned;)

New Music from Tank: Can't Let Love Die

2009-08-28T09:22:00.001-07:00

Y'all know how much I love this man, so you know I was excited when I came across this new song of his. The song has an original angle to it, and of course Tank's voice is just as mesmerizing as it's always been. Listen to the snippet and tell me what you think!

cant let love die - tank

Best of the Greatest

2009-08-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

This song has got to be one of the most anointed songs I have ever heard in my natural life! It seems like yesterday when I heard this original song performed by Sam Roberts and Ministry, a group comprised of young adults from the MD/VA area. I knew the song was something special. It just stirred up something within me causing me to experience complete awe and admiration for God. It's been nearly two years since I was introduced to this group and the song, but I love it as much as I did then. This weekend they're having a concert in VA and officially retiring "Best of the Greatest." Imagine my disappointment about first, them retiring my favorite song of theirs, then second, my not being able to attend:( Hopefully somebody will record it and post a video or two on YouTube.

Wishful thinking . . .

I've posted a performance of "Best of the Greatest" for your listening pleasure. Be advised that everything may not sound "right," but the message still hits home. Enjoy and share your thoughts about the song!

Visit their Myspace page for more info and songs.

Fashionista Friday: Tracee Ellis Ross

2009-08-20T22:36:00.000-07:00

This week's fashionista is none other than my favorite "girlfriend" Tracee Ellis Ross. Though Joan was my favorite character, it took me a while to accept the fact that I'm actually more of a Lynn . . .

Anyway, check out the gallery of some of my faves of Tracee's looks!

Lovely accent to the purple dress!

Yes, yes, and yes!

Not loving the purple lipstick (huh?), but she still looks cute and comfortable.

Photos courtesy of PicApp.com (Getty Images)

J. Moss-- Just James

2009-08-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

I just found out that one of my favorite vocalists and producers J. Moss is about to release his new studio album titled Just James. According to Verityrecords.com, "Moss made a personal decision to scale back the sonic fire and star power for which he is known to offer listeners a more intimate and introspective portrait of the artist." I listened to a few snippets and I must agree that the songs on Just James are a bit more simplistic than what he normally produces, but I still loved what I heard.

Listen to the preview and tell me what you think!

Precious

2009-08-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Though it isn't hitting theaters until November, I'm bursting with excitement about Precious, the Lee Daniels film about a young, overweight African-American teen struggling to find acceptance and love within her community and her own home. Backed by film production heavyweights Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry, this film also boasts of a star-studded cast including Mo'Nique, who plays Precious' abusive mother, Paula Patton, and a nearly unrecognizable Mariah Carey. I have a feeling that this film, based on the novel Push by Sapphire, will be a tearjerker. And without having seen the movie yet, I also think that it will overflow with quality and thought-provoking scenarios. Critics are already praising Mariah Carey for her performance in Precious and I think they'll do no less for the rest of the cast. I'm going to read the book!

Watch the trailer!

Will you go to see it?

If You Never

2009-08-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

There's something I've been desirous of for quite some time now. I try to pretend that it's not something that I really want because during the past year I've been presented with counterfeit versions, therefore causing me to lose some (well more that that) of my optimism. But instead of feeling sorry for myself and doubting God, I remember that though I may not have what most do, I have more than some! I decide to count my blessings instead. I'm gonna be real--It's not always the easiest thing to do to say and really mean that if God never did another thing for me that I'd be satisfied, but it definitely is the best way to look at things. Regardless of what it is I think I lack, God has done more than enough for me. And at this moment I can honestly say that I'll still be happy if God never blesses me with what it is I want.

Listen and enjoy!

***I had to post the video because Imeem is acting a fool with the 30 sec. samples.

Nia Long Bares All For PETA

2009-08-11T22:05:00.000-07:00

Nia Long has joined the ranks of celebrities such as Pam Anderson and Khloe Kardashian, who have partnered with PETA in their anti-fur campaign. Perhaps because she's someone I can more readily relate to, this ad and her statement in the video below has made me really consider the treatment of animals, not only for their fur, but for food. Honestly though, I don't eat too much meat these days. My family recently agreed to adopt a minimal meat/non-meat diet, especially for sake of my dad, who doesn't care for meat at all. It just made more sense both logically and health wise for everyone to eat the same vegetarian meal instead of having to cook two different meals.

A few years ago I actually stopped eating meat cold turkey. My new diet lasted for about a year, but obviously that's ancient history now. . .

Though having a dead animal's carcass on my back or around my neck has never been a desire of mine, the ad hit home in regard to meat-eating. I'm really considering cutting meat out of my diet again. I honestly think it's the right thing to do. I know it's not going to be necessarily easy, especially because I can make some mean barbecue chicken, if I say so, but I think it's worth it.

**The ad is getting a lot of flack about the obvious amount of Photoshopping that took place, but I don't think people should let that minor detail detract from the message.
Watch Nia's interview to hear her turnaround story.

Chocolate Fix of the Week: Tank

2009-08-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

In my opinion, Tank is one of the most talented and gifted R&B singers today. It's a shame he's so underrated because his voice is pure MAGIC. And might I add that a few of his songs like "Heartbreaker" and "I Hate You" got me through some tough times last year. But that's another story. LOL!

I can't exactly listen to Love, Sex, and Pain all the way through with my parents in the car with me (I'm grown, but I still have half a mind to keep it clean for the parentals!). He's one of my guilty pleasures. It wouldn't be so hard not to listen to him if he didn't sound so, so good, but pray for a sista!

I've posted a video below of one of my favorites of his performances. The video doesn't have the best resolution quality, but I love how real and raw his live singing is. And the background is taking it to church! It should give you a glimpse into what has me so entranced. Watch and enjoy!

Song of the Week: Listening 2 U

2009-08-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

I immediately fell in love with this song the first time I heard it sung by the smooth-crooning Terrell Carter. His voice is perfectly matched to this song. I love this song so much because the Christian walk is characterized primarily by listening to and obeying the voice of God. I know I want to hear Him speak because His way is the only sure one. What a privilege to receive direction from the Lord! Listen, enjoy, and be encouraged.

I apologize for the 30 second teaser:( Just click the link to play the entire song.

Listening 2 U - Terrell Carter

Editor's Note: Terrell is fine and chocolate enough to double as this week's Chocolate Fix, but I won't be stingy! I have something else special planned;)

Song of the Week: I Trust You

2009-08-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

I'm going through a trying time in my life right now. As you know, I'm a recent college grad, but I don't know exactly in what direction God will take my life. I've been applying for writing jobs EVERYWHERE but seemingly to no avail. My sister and others that I know are gearing up to start their careers in a few weeks, but I'm here still waiting for an answer, waiting for some direction, waiting for a door to open up somewhere. I'm doing my best not to measure myself against others and their blessings, but it gets hard sometimes. I wonder if it's something that I'm doing wrong. But at the end of the day, I believe that God won't leave me begging for bread or living here at home forever (lol), so I'm going to trust Him one more day. This just might be a test and I definitely want to pass. So, if you're like me, feeling like you're holding on by a thread sometimes, listen to the song and be encouraged.

I Trust You - James Fortune

Natural Hair Accessories

2009-08-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

Being a natural gal myself, it can get pretty humdrum doing the regular twist out, bun, topknot, ponytail, etc, especially during the summer. Because my hair loves to revert back to its natural state at the most embarrassing times in the summer, presses are no longer an option. I've been looking for natural hair accessories to add a little jazz to my natural styles and here are a few sites where I found gorgeous accessories:

African Butterfly Hair Clips features beautiful and unique, earthy-looking hair clips.

Andrea's Beau (my fave) features fantastic
headbands, clips, pins and combs.

Six Kids?!

2009-08-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

I absolutely LOVE the The Real Housewives of Atlanta on Bravo. I certainly had apprehension about the show before it's Season 1 premiere last year because I honestly thought some of these ladies would embarrass "us", but it has definitely grown to become my fave of the Housewives franchise. No doubt I was front row and center when this season's premiere aired on Thursday night. And I must admit that the fact that Kandi's fiancee has SIX kids straight up alarmed me! Six?! By at least TWO mamas?? Is you crazy?! I also read that he has reportedly been accused of being a deadbeat dad, so that definitely works against him. I live in a blended family, but dang!

On the other hand, I have to pose the question:

Is a man with 6 kids automatically undatable? If not, what's the criteria for him to be? Would you call a woman desperate if she opted to be with a man with that many kids? A man with ANY kids is not ideally what I have in mind for a future spouse, so six is out of the question for ME. But should a man with this number of children be banished to singlehood for the rest of his existence because of some irresponsibility and lapses in judgement?

Do you think Kandi is settling because she's desperate for a man?

Nina Sky Chops It!

2009-08-01T17:43:00.000-07:00

Singing sister duo Nina Sky traded in their long, flowing locks for short, edgier hair cuts. Which look do you like better?

Chocolate Fix of the Week: Terrell Owens

2009-08-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

I always thought he was a little sexy, but I was absolutely sold when I saw an episode of his new show The T.O. Show on VH-1. That smile, Southern accent and of course, that deep dark chocolate skin just got me! Yes, he definitely is quite cocky and self-assured, but doesn't that just add to the allure?

Yum-my.

. . .Because everyone loves chocolate

Chris Rock's "Good Hair"

2009-07-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

This documentary on what Black women think about their hair, how they relate to and style it is way past due, in my opinion. And I'm glad that Chris Rock was able to bring some humor to a subject that could and perhaps should be seriously contemplated. I've been interested in seeing Good Hair since I first heard about it a while ago, but the new, more extensive trailer including celebrity interviews really piqued my interest more in the film.

Are you interested in seeing it?

Fashionista Friday: Rachel Roy

2009-07-31T10:12:00.000-07:00

Girls, I am salivating over the style today's fashionista holds. I literally JUST discovered Rachel Roy, an accomplished and ridiculously stylish fashion designer who is also the ex-wife of hip-hop businessman Damon Dash. In my research I learned the she went to Columbia Union College, a Seventh-day Adventist school in Takoma Park, Maryland. I'm an Oakwood University alumna myself, but big ups to SDA schools!

But back to the fashion! Take a look of some of my favorite looks worn by Rachel. What are yours?

Casual but still ultra-femme and cute.

Retro chic! I'm loving it. And check out the shoe game!

Just in case you didn't get a good look!

Lovely color. And y'all know how I love those clean lines!

I have no words.

Looks like Rachel might be back for another installment of Fashionista Friday because this gallery is just the tip of the iceberg. The girl's style goes on for days! Visit her at rachelroy.com and check out an interview with her on Afrobella detailing her forthcoming affordable clothing line at Macy's!